Kind of sad: Trump Masturbates Alone Since I̶v̶a̶n̶ Melania Hates His "Trump's-Dick-Flavoured" Condoms

The President of the United States of America has shared his sadness in a series of tweets around 2AM this night, in which he complains that I̶v̶a̶n̶  Melania refuses to have sex with him since he's started using condoms that tastes like his actual dick. One of these tweets was a heartbreaking 5min video of the POTUS trying to convince I̶v̶a̶n̶  Melania to make him "feel great again" while trying to get the cum off his shirt.


I̶v̶a̶n̶  Melania, who did not say a word in the video, has later told journalists that " Trump his dick taste like why people hate Bosnia," which sparked immediate controversy with an immediate reaction from Prime Minister Novalic who now demands a public apology. I̶v̶a̶n̶ Melania also confessed they stopped having sex about half a second after she realized how fucking ugly his kids are, implying that Barron is her own creation. "Why you think he can speak more than one language?" she added.


Things are not looking good for Donald, who is too sad to even grab his wife by the pussy-some say he's terrified-and now has to wank at least five times a day, alone. "I don't understand," he commented, "these condoms are what the Trump family is about. They're short, filthy, won't stop anything, and they're kinda funny to watch." Trump's-Dick-Flavoured condoms are among Trumporter's favourite products, as Josh, from Denver, Colorado, explains: "The idea is that when you wear this shit, you're dirty as fuck, you have a tiny dick, but that's what you're proud of. And my cousin loves it. It's sad that I̶v̶a̶n̶  Melania doesn't like it."


On the bright side, Paul Ryan just got a promotion and grades each of the president's "performances." 

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