A survey found that most Tory voters are ready to follow Boris and let him be in charge of this shit show after his performance on Channel 4, even though he never showed up and was reportedly busy trying to fuck a bin.
Dominic Raab, who dropped out of the Tory leadership race, also known as UK's "Dumbest Fuck Contest," said that he was "impressed by Boris' ability to turn words into feces, which is exactly what the people want."
In the mean time, Boris has come up with a new slogan to make sure everyone knows he can also do fascism : "Brexit macht free."
"I needed to find something that would not only annoy the enemies of the state but also galvanize my fellow patriots. I can assure you that your cry for fascism and Polish soap has been heard."